I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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