They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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