I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
