I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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