I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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