i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
