Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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