i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
