My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
