My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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