It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
