I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
