dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
