Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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