In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
