So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
jump out the window naked night went bad
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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