Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
