I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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