with your own penis?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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