Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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