So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
