Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
