we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
