Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
