Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
