The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
