Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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