you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
