Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
