He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
