So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
