But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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