You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's blow job season.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
