Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
