He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
