You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
