Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
