You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
