Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
