The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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