I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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