I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
