id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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