Will you blow on my dice?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
