a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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