i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A+ Viking dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
