i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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