four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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