genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You don't make any sense
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