My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
