He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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