I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
