Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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