SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
birth control should be required to get into college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
