Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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