My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
